Hobbits

Corner of Random, Neil's Random Reviews — By on April 1, 2011 5:42 am

 

Dwarfs. Midgets. Leprechauns. Gnomes. Pygmys. Lilliputians. Tom Thumbs. Bantams. Hobbits. Ah…..‘little people’, surely some of the most fascinating of God’s creatures! Some people fear them, thinking them sinister, conniving, evil somehow, like the troll who lives under the bridge in Three Billy Goats Gruff. Others love them, thinking them cute, cuddly and playful, like the toys you might get out of a toy crane machine in an amusement centre. Others think they bring luck, like the little green fellows from Ireland are said to do. Still others have sex with them and make videos to sell on the internet, usually under the rather derogatory category: Bizarre.

I’ve been fascinated with hobbits ever since Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, and the movie Legend, with a young Tom Cruise (he didn’t play the midget). Willow was another favourite of mine. Hobbits as heroes! For a list of the Top 10 Midget Performances in film, go here:

http://www.scene-stealers.com/top-10s/top-10-midget-performances/

I’ve visited Flores….home of the homo floresiensis, discovered in 2003. It stood only 1 metre tall, and hunted pygmy elephants, which paints quite an amusing image in my head. Modern humans arrived on Flores about 50,000 years ago, which I presume is when the first documented ‘bizarre’ sexcapade took place. I’ve also had the opportunity to meet hobbits for whom the entertainment industry has provided a source of employment and income. The Philippines isn’t a place that suffers from that terrible disease called ‘Political Correctness’ that has become endemic in most Western societies. As such, they created the ‘Hobbit House’, a restaurant / live music venue / bar – staffed entirely by….hobbits. I popped in one a visit to Manila in 2010. Hobbits everywhere, scuttling around with disturbing speed, carrying trays of drinks just visible above the tables. One of them came over for a chat. “What can I call you?” I said, cautiously. “Just call us little people, sir” He replied. He then went on to say that his wife (also a hobbit) works here, as do his hobbit children. Behind him was a wall emblazoned with scenes from Lord of the Rings. I could have sworn I was talking to Bilbo Baggins.

There’s another Hobbit House in Boracay, Philippines. When I went there in March 2011 with my girlfriend and told her about it, she didn’t want to go, having an irrational fear of little people. It’s called Nanosophobia. 250,000 people suffer from it in the US. I brought her along, and, after a drink of two to calm her down, she warmed to the little ones with the oversized adult heads, took a few photos of them (as do most tourists here) and is now rather fond of them.

So, here’s to Hobbits! Without them, the world would be a less fun, bizarre and creative place. So go find a hobbit, and tell him or her you think they’re awesome. They are.

Good points:
Cute, lucky, garden gnomes, good actors, wacky porn, niche market, Lord of the Rings, Willow, Legend, Hobbit House, photo opportunity

Bad points:
Sinister, scheming, oversized heads, funny voices, Mini Me, Nonosophobia

 

Rating:

♠♠♠♠ Hobbits rule!                                                                   Rating System:

♠ – Rubbish. Crap. Not recommended. Not interesting, cool or very clever.
♠♠ – Not bad. But then, not particularly good either. Probably not worth your time.
♠♠♠ – Decent. Worth the money / time / experience etc.
♠♠♠♠ – Good – You’ll be very satisfied. Well worth it.
♠♠♠♠♠ – Excellent. Highly recommended. You can’t fail to enjoy it. You’ll love it.

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